How do you create it, during a surrogacy journey, when the thought of loving your surrogate feels so abstract?
How can you love her enough? How can you find your place?
It was at the doctor’s appointments I attended with my intended mom, that I realized how vital belonging was.
The appointment would include weight, blood pressure, measurements, and the hard part. He’d ask ‘Do you have any questions?’
I’d look to my intended mom, wanting her to ask all the questions we had prepared in the waiting room but instead, nearly every time she’d start he would immediately cut off her with ‘oh I meant health-related questions’ or ‘I meant did Leia have any questions.’ It was heartbreaking. Where did she belong in all of this? Where did she get to show her love for me and for her baby?
It was in those moments my heart would break. She always said it was okay and honestly, toward the end of the pregnancy I just held the list and asked the questions.
So I guess that’s where love and belonging were fostered. It was in the space between. In the quiet note passing (reminding me of grade school note passing). It was in my showing up for her, and her loving me deeply for it.
Today I want to remind everyone we get to share this journey with; You belong and you are loved.