As a two-time gestational surrogate, I wanted to share some birth advice from my own experience as a mom and surrogate. As you tuck in and read I hope you find some of these tips helpful in your birth planning.
During your surrogacy, you may have spoken with the intended parents or your partner about the birth, or it may have been a topic that’s been avoided. Now here you are, at the twenty-fifth week, and it’s time to begin (or continue) talking about, dreaming of, and sharing your wishes, desires, and maybe even fears surrounding the upcoming birth.
Each birth, each surrogate, intended parent and partner comes with their own history, understanding, and potentially their own trauma around birth. Each person involved comes to the birth from a unique mental, emotional and physical place.
As you begin to plan, think about what you will discuss and how you plan on discussing it. Will it be in a video call? In-person? Over email? Any method is great; it simply depends on your comfort level and intentions.
Here’s my birth advice:
Yes, breathe! Find your breath, and as you breathe deeply, remind yourself of your intentions as you communicate about the upcoming birth.
Second: ask yourself if you are mainly feeling love or fear.
Is it love and protection for your child, your intended parents, or for your surrogate? Or is it fear? If it is love, skip to my third point. If it’s fear, I have an invitation for you:
Write down everything that is creating this fear, everything holding you back from being present in a place of LOVE as you prepare to welcome your child or deliver your surrogate baby.
Once you have written these items down, play this song surrender, by Natalie Taylor and find a way to let these fears go. We suggest burning them in your kitchen sink, tying them up in a small bundle and burying them in your yard, or placing them in a jar and putting them out of sight in a cupboard. The way you let them go isn’t important — writing them down is the true release.
Third: get excited!
Or, if it’s hard, pretend! Sometimes, we must fake it ‘til we make it!!! Then, consider and ask for what you need. Remember that this journey didn’t make it to this point on its own. It grew from a trusting relationship built on a foundation of LOVE!
Fourth: ask us to help!
If you can take one thing away from this post my greatest piece of advice is to ask for help. We’d love to jump on a call with all of you and go over the plan. From hospital policies to pain management, baby care, checking if intended parents are on route, when the baby comes, and the legal processes, we’re here to support you.
If you are ready, so are we! Please reach out to your case specialist or coordinator to book a call and get ready for the birth day!